Frequently asked questions

  • Chloe will help you identify your ideal future in meaningful relationships where you feel seen, supported and loved. Together we’ll cocreate a plan to move towards this vision, overcoming obstacles, growing and healing in the process. Chloe will provide expertise, guidance and accountability.

  • Consider these statistics:

    Coaching requires a commitment to regular sessions, usually once a week, and a willingness to do some (usually fun)  homework between sessions. Depending on the package we may meet more or less frequently.

  • Coaching focuses on future goals and practical strategies, while therapy often delves into past issues and emotional healing. Coaching is more action-oriented and goal-driven. That said, SWOON’s philosophy is a holistic approach to happiness and relating, so we will be diving into who you are so you can gain self awareness and self-love on your path to relationship bliss and freedom.

  • A relaxed, enjoyable rapport with Chloe, whose natural curiosity, empathy and wisdom will feel like a cozy blanket from which you can speak your truth. No judgment and an abundance of desire to help you achieve your most fulfilling relational life. Expect a collaborative and supportive conversation where you’ll explore your dreams for a connected and loving future, identify challenges, and develop actionable steps to achieve the vision you create for yourself.

  • SWOON’s programs range from 3 months to a year, with significant transformation expected at the three month mark. 

  • Coaching requires a commitment to regular sessions, usually once a week, and a willingness to do some (usually fun) fun homework between sessions. Depending on the package we may meet more or less frequently.

  • You meet her on a free discovery call where together you explore your issues and dreams. Neither you nor Chloe can determine if the fit is right until after this session.

    That said, Chloe has unique qualifications that have helped her support countless friends, students and clients in their relationships and personal growth over the years. She’s a Berkeley and Columbia University graduate (degrees in Psychology) and had a two-decade career as an educator at schools and universities both internationally and in the US. Personally, she’s a woman with many, many deep friendships and a thriving 12 year relationship with her husband. Chloe has experienced her own remarkable transformation journey and can shortcut the process of self discovery and growth for you, using a host of techniques from her toolbelt.

  • Don’t worry, this isn’t some hokey process where we chat and I collect your money. We’ll set clear, achievable goals and review them regularly.  You’ll notice measurable improvements in your specific areas of focus and overall relationship satisfaction. We’ll use proven techniques and systems (including Positive Intelligence)  to change the way your brain and body work, in a foundational and enduring manner. 

  • That’s up to you. The involvement of your partner can be beneficial for relationship coaching, but it’s not always necessary. Individual coaching can also provide valuable insights and improvements. We can explore this on a discovery call. 

  • Chloe may give you some questions to think about in advance of your first session. Reflect on your desires and challenges, and think about what you hope to achieve through coaching. Be ready to share openly and honestly with your coach. You’ll likely find that Chloe is very easy to talk to – nonjudgmental, and she wants you to win.

SELF

Young woman with long braided hair smiling outdoors at a market or fair, wearing a red jacket over a white top.

  • Are you? I know in my past there have been times where I really wanted a boyfriend but I wasn’t actually ready to open up to a real connection. I was either too fresh from a break up or otherwise emotionally tied up.

    The danger here is of jumping into the wrong thing too quickly (perhaps to fill a void where I could have better spent my energy healing).


    Take time to assess your current emotional state and ensure you’re open to giving and receiving love fully. Another important thing to do with this spaciousness is think about who your ideal partner is.

    What are the core qualities that you want in a partner?

    Mine were: a man who was worldly, entrepreneurial, intelligent and kind.All of these were about lifestyle and value compatibility, not superficial things like “he has to be tall”.

    Your list is up to you but the key is to imagine doing life together and finding someone who enhances everything, including you.

  • How have you been treated in past relationships? Are there patterns that you’d like to kiss goodbye? Reflect on what truly matters to you, so you can communicate your needs clearly. You want to walk into your next partnership with a clear sense of your worth, your desires and how that partner shows up for you. 

  • Do you love yourself? Make sure you’ve taken the necessary steps to heal, so you can enter a new relationship with a fresh perspective.

  • Being open and authentic is key to building a deep and meaningful connection. We all want to be truly known, and loved anyway.

    Unfortunately not everyone receives unconditional love as a child and they may carry this into their adult relationships. You deserve to be loved exactly as you are.

    If you have healing and work to do, you deserve a partner who sees you clearly, accepts you and supports you in your journey to emotional freedom and peace.


    Download SWOON’s free Self Expression Workbook to start exploring how authentically you express yourself and pursue your true desires.Are you performing for people? Always trying to fit in, or be good enough? Hiding your feelings? Pleasing others at the expense of your own needs?

    Our fun guide will help you start thinking about the things you really want. And when you operate from a place of relaxed, true self, you will be much more attractive to the right partner.

  • Having a clear vision of what you want helps you attract the right person who aligns with your values. Dream up your ideal partner and boil it down to core qualities that signal lifestyle and value compatibility.

    How does he/she need to feel about kids, money, your freedom to pursue hobbies and friendships, your career, flexibility around change, and more. 

    You can also think about yourself as a value proposition. What do you bring to the table as a life    partner? Are you healthy, inspired by your work or hobbies, surrounded by solid friends, pursuing a passion? (None of these are necessary per se, they’re just considerations – what do you bring to the table? Use them to remind yourself of how amazing you are, and who might deserve to bask in your glow).

  • All couples fight. It’s how you do it that matters, Are arguments an opportunity to grow closer, to learn about each other, to find solutions to situations that might seem intractable?

    Or do you dig in your heels and feel 100% right, arguing with zero curiosity about your partner’s real feelings or perspective? Or, do you freeze them out, remaining in stony silence till one of you breaks? Do you go out and get your revenge somehow (cheating, spending money or other rash behavior)?

    Do you talk badly about your partner to others?  Conflict comes in many flavors and lasting, harmonious relationships occur when partners are committed to empathy, fairness and mutually satisfying solutions.

  • This is a big one that is often unconsidered. Do you have a personal development or spiritual orientation that motivates you to work on understanding yourself, healing from past trauma, creating your reality rather than being a victim of your circumstances and a commitment to growth which is necessarily somewhat uncomfortable. I imagine if you’re reading this, the answer is yes. 🙂It is important that your partner feel similarly or be open to growth about their growth. 

  • How do you show up for the people in your life? Healthy relationships with others reflect your ability to nurture a romantic relationship.

    The skills are largely the same – empathy, curiosity, generosity, support. The difference is romantic relationships carry a charge, and often polarity, which builds tension (this can be delicious tension) which makes relaxed, natural relating more challenging.

    But if you look at your life and see secure, long lasting, deep friendships in which you feel seen and loved unconditionally, and you reciprocate, this is a good sign. If you need help in this area check out our blog posts about leveling up your friendships for some ideas on how to improve in this area.

  • Focus on building a fulfilling life, so you’re ready to share it with someone special.

    Pursue your dreams, heal your hurts, have your adventures, be vibrant and free! A happy person is magnetic, Sure, finding partnership can take a certain amount of focused effort but do live your life.

    And enjoy the things you can do now that won’t be available later when you’re partnered up! (Spontaneous trips, leaving your undies on the floor, attending an orgy, joining the Peace Corp… you get the idea).

For Couples: 

A smiling couple hugging outdoors at the beach with blue sky and ocean in the background.

  • A lot of people stumble into their partnerships and then make do. History builds up, practical entanglements tie you together (living together, shared custody of pets) and you are known and accepted as a couple. Many people turn off their scanners for “more” or “better” and settle into their relationships.

    If the relationship makes you happy and builds you up, that’s great. In my experience however, most relationships are not flourishing, they’re just chugging along on autopilot.

  • The right partnership makes life’s challenges easier to handle and maximizes joy. Being “right” for each other means you feel a deep connection, mutual respect, and a shared vision for the future. It’s about feeling like you’re growing together and supporting each other’s journey.

  • If it’s a new relationship, are you being swept away by new relationship energy? Are you seeing clearly and do you have all the info you need to determine this partner’s long term potential? Here’s an article that may help you think about this with your brain instead of your genitals!

  • Attraction and affection are key to a healthy relationship. If you still find joy in each other’s company and feel that spark, it’s a positive sign of a strong connection.

    Even if you’ve been together for a long time and the eros has faded, a good partnership still expresses affection, consideration, acknowledgement and care.


    If you feel contempt, irritation, anger, or other negative emotions regularly regarding your partner, it’s time for some self examination and a partnership autopsy.

  • Good communication is the backbone of any relationship. You should feel that your thoughts and feelings are respected and that you truly listen to each other, even when you disagree.

    Solution-oriented arguments, freedom to bring up difficult topics, and relaxed natural expression should be the norm.

    Not always so easy but if there’s frequent tension and fights, lies, or avoidant tendencies it is worth examining the relationship and getting to the root of these unhealthy, unloving and unsexy ways of relating.

  • All couples fight. It’s how you do it that matters, Are arguments an opportunity to grow closer, to learn about each other, to find solutions to situations that might seem intractable? Or do you dig in your heels and feel 100% right, arguing with zero curiosity about your partner’s real feelings or perspective? Or, do you freeze them out, remaining in stony silence till one of you breaks? Do you go out and get your revenge somehow (cheating, spending money or other rash behavior)? Do you talk badly about your partner to others?  Conflict comes in many flavors and lasting, harmonious relationships occur when partners are committed to empathy, fairness and mutually satisfying solutions.

  • A healthy partnership allows space for togetherness and also individual pursuits. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself every second you’re apart. A sense of freedom to operate separately and do things that you enjoy as an individual is essential. Balance this out with all the fun and good times and mutual projects and plans, and you’ve hit the jackpot! Separate and overlapping friendships, hobbies, vacations, errands, this is the goal.

    That said, it’s important to feel connected, supported and relaxed as you go about living. Having a sense of what your partner is up to, into, and their wellbeing and happiness as they pursue their independent activities is the ideal scenario for a connected couple.

    This happens naturally without pressure or suspicion driving the communication.
    I’m aware of what my husband is up to almost every day.

    That’s because we chat and show interest in each other’s endeavors and keep each other in the loop for planning purposes. This includes when he has a date!

    If you find yourself feeling pulled in different directions between your romantic partner and all other people in your life, that may suggest a problem.

    Coordinating between personal and romantic life should be fairly seamless. If it’s not, take a look at what’s happening in closer detail.

  • Feeling and expressing gratitude is the key to happiness! So many partnerships fall into a pattern of  functional interactions that focus on daily routines and practical matters. Did you pay the bills? What’s for dinner? Regularly expressing appreciation keeps the relationship positive and helps both partners feel valued.

    It’s the small, daily gestures that strengthen your bond. It also sets a great example if there are kids in the household.

    “You must feel so proud of yourself for crushing that interview today!” “Thanks for wish to go deeper, “Thank you for being my partner in this adventure, I’m so glad I get to do it with you.”

    These expressions of appreciation for your partner should feel authentic. And when they do it to you and you feel the goodness, it’s easy to feel inspired to reciprocate.

  • Both physical intimacy and emotional support are essential. The fire of sexual attraction may change over time and it’s worth feeling into what that means for your partnership. Is there frustration, resentment, sadness, anger, or resignation? You deserve to resolve these feelings and feel desired and close to your partner, if that’s what you want.

    Conversely, you may mutually agree that that phase of your relationship is past and you’ve comfortably settled into loving companionship with little erotic fire. As long as you both feel similarly content this is a common and functional arrangement.

    But what if you could rekindle that fire? What if you dared to explore ideas that went against your lifelong programing and opened up to the possibility of keeping – and deepening – your beloved bond while exploring connections with new people? This could be the start of an explosively hot new chapter in your relationship, metabolism and identity.

    Regardless of your path, closeness and support with your partner are the keys to lasting love and harmony.

  • That’s up to you. The involvement of your partner can be beneficial for relationship coaching, but it’s not always necessary. Individual coaching can also provide valuable insights and improvements. We can explore this on a discovery call. 

Non-monogamy

Two women kissing a man on each cheek, with the man smiling with his eyes closed in the middle.

  • Ethical non-monogamy is a relationship style where all participants openly agree to engage in romantic or sexual relationships with multiple people. Communication, honesty, and consent are key to ensuring that everyone’s boundaries and feelings are respected.

    This is a growing trend in the US with 4-5% of relationships involving some form of open dynamic. It’s also gaining popularity and acceptance in mainstream media, which helps destigmatize open relating and provides freedom of choice.

    Imagine a world where you can love and connect with whomever you want, without society judging you. The gays have made great strides here. It’s our turn now!

    Some common relationship dynamics, or “styles” of consensual non-monogamy are

    Polyamory: Individuals have multiple romantic relationships with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved. This is the model that my husband and I enjoy, in which deep feelings and connections with others are permitted and celebrated. Our lovers are part of our lives and mingle with our friends and family in a very natural, comfortable way. This is often called “kitchen table polyamory” because your lovers may hang out casually with all at your kitchen table, in addition to participating in your more private, adult shenanigans. 

    Open Relationships: Partners agree that they can have sexual relationships with other people outside of their primary relationship. This is a vague definition which doesn’t touch on the level of emotional connection or sexual openness, it simply asserts that the relationship is non-monogamous. 

    Swinging: Couples consensually exchange partners for sexual activities, often in a social or group setting. There is often an emphasis on sexual openness but emotional exclusivity with your partner or a select group that you swap/swing with. 

    Solo Polyamory: Individuals maintain multiple relationships but prioritize their independence and autonomy over forming a primary partnership. Unlike the standard monogamous person who dates freely, the solo poly person has a defined orientation of polyamory and openness about this identity, and their lovers may be aware of multiple others. It is more transparent and people know where they stand without assuming monogamy or a relationship arc that follows a traditional path. 

    There are many other styles of open relating and tons of jargon and definitional terms in this space. Don’t let this overwhelm or turn you off. Here at SWOON we’ll use ordinary language as much as possible. If you’re curious, you belong here. There is a version of this for you, and I can help you envision it, get excited and make it a reality! (With minimal pain and drama!).

  • Start small. At the outset, work together to create your vision and then, take the pressure off.  Plan just the first few baby steps – flirting with strangers while out together, allowing each other to hook up with others while traveling… Make sure to have regular check-ins after each experimentation, always exploring the feelings. 

    Plan quality time together, and always keep your main relationship as a top priority. Stay sexy! Keep talking about your feelings and needs to stay connected. Expect this thing to grow in unexpected (and beautiful) ways!

  • What are boundaries? Boundaries in a relationship are guidelines, or limits, that individuals set to define acceptable behaviors, protect their personal space, and ensure mutual respect.

    They help maintain healthy dynamics and prevent conflicts by clearly outlining each person’s needs. Boundaries can be set around communication, physical/sexual activity, time, emotional expression and support, work/life balance or any other aspect of life that involves an interaction between people.

    Sit down and agree on clear boundaries about time spent pursuing and connecting with others, emotional stuff (and the support you’ll need), and sexy time (including sexual health) with others.

    Check in regularly and tweak those boundaries as needed so you both feel safe and respected.

  • Jealousy is an emotional response that may arise when someone perceives a threat to their relationship or feels a rival for their partner’s attention. It often involves feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over losing something or someone important.

    Be open about feeling jealous when it happens. It’s a natural and deeply programmed emotion that society has told us we should feel when our partner expresses interest in another person. But remember, you want that exciting feeling of a new connection too!

    With practice, and focus on keeping your union strong, those feelings of threat will diminish and you can focus on the fun and freedom of being non-monogamous. For now, acknowledge those jealous feelings, practice self-love, try journaling or meditating, and get some reassurance from your partner.

  • Being ethically non-monogamous is a paradigm shift. This new way of being will shape many areas of your life, and if done correctly, will make everything more enjoyable. You’ll feel juicy and alive in all your interactions.  Be transparent and navigate this growth through regular communication with your partner.

  • Join some polyamory groups, go to events and workshops, and check out online communities and dating apps. Attend meetups. Go to parties and make sexy friends. Once you start, more invites will materialize. Host your own meetups or parties!

    In Puerto Rico – whatsapp groups

    Feeld, kinki.co, fetlife etc

  • Problems usually arise when a couple hasn’t addressed their underlying issues and are trying non-monogamy to “spice things up”. If you want to maintain a harmonious primary relationship you’ll need to gain clarity and possibly heal some things before diving in. Focus on alignment and a vision of you and your partner enjoying YOUR version of ethical non-monogamy.

    As you embark on the journey and start engaging with others, watch for miscommunication, neglecting your main relationship, and unmanaged jealousy.

    Avoid these by communicating clearly, setting boundaries, and keeping your primary relationship strong.

  • Your partner comes first! Keep talking about each other’s needs and make sure they’re being met. Be flexible and willing to adjust plans and agreements to keep things balanced and satisfying for both of you. Maintain open communication, tweak frequently and remember that this is a journey, it will change over time. Enjoy the ride!


    Pst, that also means that you work on yourself if you’re letting jealousy drive the ship and stopping the flow of this process (ex, not allowing your partner to date someone because you feel threatened even though your partner is respecting your established boundaries). 

  • All couples disagree on things. The question is, what is the quality of your arguments? Are you mean and hurtful? Calm and contemptuous? Is there a power imbalance? Do you focus more on being right than being close? 

    It’s fine to disagree and even fight with your partner. But there’s a good way to do it, and a bad way. When you’re approaching a disagreement using parts of your brain that problem-solve using curiosity, empathy, intuition and innovation, resolution comes much faster and the process of disagreeing is a net positive, bringing you closer. When conflicts come up, try to see things from each other’s perspectives.

    Use active listening, acknowledge the part of your partner’s thinking that is at least 10% right (it’s not a zero-sum game) and look for solutions that work for both of you. 

    Sounds impossible? As part of my coaching program you’ll complete a proven 6-week brain rewiring system called Positive Intelligence that activates positive cognitive processes and emotions when facing life’s tough moments.

  • Once you are comfortably practicing ethical non-monogamy and experiencing the expanded joy and love that it invites, you won’t worry about judgment. More likely you’ll feel a (smug?!) satisfaction about your sexy and unconventional life and want to tell all your friends about it.

    You can always maintain some privacy and not shout it from the rooftops if that suits you, you are not obligated to share this personal lifestyle choice.

    What if people see you out and about, say, on a date? Well, does your partner know and give their blessing?  Great! That’s all you need. You can always avoid heavy duty PDA with new lovers while out in public.

    Build a solid support network of friends and community members who get your relationship style. Let the haters hate. Set boundaries around judgemental people and their sharing of opinions.

    Ask me for my list of funny one-liners to the non-monogamy naysayers!

  • I’m your best resource! I’ll be your guide, your confidant, your nonjudmenetal ear and your shoulder to cry on.

    I’ve been in a glorious o0pen relationship for twelve years and deeply embedded in polyamorous communities from LA to Barcelona to Puerto Rico and beyond. Ask me anything! Link


    If you’re looking to read some books, I recommend the following